コミュニケーション力を向上するために工夫したこと

考えたこと

こんにちは

コミュニケーションについて何回かにわけて考えてきました。

僕は20歳ぐらいまでは本当にコミュニケーションというものが苦手で、言いたいことが言えない、なにか話しても「モゴモゴしててなにを話しているかわからない」と言われる、いわゆる内弁慶で一部の人にしか心を開けない

という人間でした。

でも19歳になるすこし前、飲食業界というコミュニケーション能力の高さが必須な業界に入って「このままじゃダメだ!!」と思うようになってすこしずつ改善をしました。

いまも初対面が苦手で、知らない人が集まるところではほとんど発言できません。
世間で陽キャと言われる人は苦手ですし、人混みもあまり好きではありません。
ですがそんな僕でも「コミュ力高いよねー」という評価をもらうことが多くなりました。

そんな僕がなにを考えて改善していったかをちょっとお話ししたいと思って書いてきました。

コミュニケーションが苦手だった僕が「コミュ力」を上げるために考えてみた

僕は「とにかく人が集まる場に行って無理矢理話さなくてはいけない状況を作る」ということをしばらくやっていました。
確かに多少改善はされ、次第に楽しくなったし、その時できた友達でいまでも仲良くしてくれている人もいます。

ですがその時の友達は8割ぐらい連絡も取ってないですし、無理に作った自分と本来の自分との乖離から次第に疲れてしまってどんどん苦痛のレベルは上がっていきました。
そこで改めてコミュニケーションというものを考え、自分を変えていったのが今の考え方です。

前回も書きましたが無理する必要なんてないんです。

コミュニケーションが苦手な人は無理して行う必要なんてない

でもいまの状況を改善したいと思うのであれば、僕を楽にしてくれた考え方を一回真似してみてください。

結局人は行動を伴った発信しか信じず、読解しなければ理解されず、理解しなければ行動が伴わない

そんなところがあるんだと思います。

合わせて前に書いたことも読んでもらえれば、さらにわかりやすくなるんじゃないかなと思います。


1.理解する

相手のことを理解しようということはこれまでにも書いてきました。
ではどのように理解すればいいのでしょうか。

まず僕は人を4つの分類にあてはめてみました。

なんでかわからないんですが、「この人はこんな人だ」とか分類にあてはめてみるとなんか安心できるんですよね
結構当てはまってるとは思うのですが、名称は便宜上当てはめてるだけなので科学的な根拠は特にありません。

探したらあるのかもしれないですが

まず基本的な部分。その人が「なにを大切にしているのか、目的にしているのか」とか人の根本的な部分を2つにわけます。

  • オフェンス型
  • ディフェンス型

僕はこれを「脳体型」と読んでいます。

次に「大切にしていること、目標にしていることにたどり着くための考え方、道筋」を2つにわけます。

  • 国語的思考
  • 数学的思考

僕はこれを「思考方法」と読んでいます。

繰り返しますが、個人的に考えたことであり科学的根拠とか裏付けはなにもありません。

僕が僕自身を安心させたいという目的から考えただけのものです。

「脳体系×思考方法」の組み合わせでだいたいの人を分類わけすることができ、それによって人との付き合い方を決めることができると考えています。

ひとつひとつどんな特徴があるのか見てみましょう。

脳体系

オフェンス型→リスクよりもスピードを重視する、自分が最高の状態になることを考える

デフィフェンス型→スピードよりも安定感を重視する、自分が最悪の状態になることを想定しリスクを回避することを考える

これは以前書いたものを言い換えただけのものです。

詳しくは前の記事を参照してください。

仕事においてポジティブであることとネガティブであることはどちらが正しいのか

思考方法

1.国語的思考→考え方において、情緒などの感情面や倫理観を重視する

2.数学的思考→考え方において、数字などの実績や論理を重視する

ということです。

これを組み合わせることで人は以下の4つに分けられます。

ふたつの組み合わせで分類が決まる

  1. オフェンス型国語的思考
  2. オフェンス型数学的思考
  3. ディフェンス型国語的思考
  4. ディフェンス型数学的思考

基本的に同じ脳体系を持つ人、同じ思考方法を持つ人はお互いを理解することが簡単です。
違った脳体系、違った思考方法を持つ人は理解が進むまでに時間と努力が必要となります。

つまり、この分類を把握することで自分が相手に対して行うコミュニケーションの仕方をスピーディに理解することができる、ということです。

それぞれの特徴が

  1. オフェンス型国語的思考→スピード重視、倫理観など共通認識を大切にすることで、最高の自分になることを考え感情面から判断する
  2. オフェンス型数学的思考→スピード重視、実績など目に見える材料から、最高の自分になることを考え感情面から判断する
  3. ディフェンス型国語的思考→リスク重視、人の感情面などを考え、リスクを犯さないような倫理観を重視する
  4. ディフェンス型数学的思考→リスク重視、数字や実績などの材料から、リスクを犯さないように論理で判断する。

こんな感じになります。

1と2、3と4はそれぞれ考え方が違いますが、大切にするものが同じなのでわかり合うことができます。

1と3、2と4は大切にするものは違うのですが、考え方が同じなので共同で作業を行う際に問題が起こりにくいです。

反対に1と4、2と3は大切にしているものも考え方もまったく違うため互いを理解し辛い傾向にあります。

この分類に当てはめていくことでまず相手がどんなことを大切にし、どんな風に考えるかを見極めます。
それから相手に理解してもらいやすいように自分の大切にしていることや考え方を説明すればよいのです。


2.意見を持つ

相手の理解をすることができたら次は自分の意見を相手に説明します。

相手を理解し、自分との違いを見極めることができても、そもそも説明する物がなければ相互理解することができません。
そして昔の僕もそうだったように「言いたいことが言えずに上辺だけで過ごす」ということはとてもストレスが溜まります。

「そうじゃないんだ」「ホントはこんなの楽しくない」「やりたいことがやれない」
こんな感情はすごく負担になってしまうのです。

言いたいことをしっかりと伝える技術というのもとても大切ですが、そもそも言いたいことをしっかりと持つことがなによりも大切なのです。そしてやりたいこと=目標を順序立てて考えると自分の行動にバックボーンを持つことができます。

目標の立て方はこちらを参照してください。

間違ってもいいので自分の意見を信じる

意見を持つということは行動の説明をするための第一段階です。

まずは「〇〇をしたい、していきたい」「〇〇をすることが正しい、理想だと思う」という意見を持ってください。
自分なりの意見を持つこと、伝えること、夢見ることはなにも恥ずかしいことではありません。
人の意見を笑い、否定し、ないがしろにすることこそが最も恥ずべき行為なのです。

正論を言いましょう

「正論を語る」とは目標を持つこと、将来に夢を見ること、改善しようと努力を重ねることです。
僕も「正論を言いすぎ、そんなにうまいこと全員が正論を実行できるわけじゃない」と上司から言われることが多々ありました。

労働環境や人間関係、社会のあり方や善悪
それに対して夢を持つことは果たして悪いことなのでしょうか?

僕はそうは思いません。

まるで正論を言うことが恥ずかしいことのように、悪いことのように言われてしまうこともあるでしょう。
でも最も恥ずべきことは「正しい状態に目を背けて、間違っていると分かっていることを改善しようともせずに、なにもしないこと」だと思います。

自分なりの意見を持ってください。
いつかそれは信念となり、あなたにとって大切なものになっていきます。
間違ってもいいんです。やり方なんて最初は知らなくていい。

改善すれば良いだけなのですから。


3.行動する

正論をいくら言っても、相手を理解しても行動しなければなにも始まりません。
ネガティブでもいいんです。行動さえすれば。

あなたの人生をよりよくしたいのであれば行動するべきです。
なぜなら結局人は行動を伴った発信しか信じないのです。

説得力はその人の一貫した行動によって生まれるものなのです。

戦争反対と言っている人が身近な人に暴力的な行動をしていたら、戦争反対という言葉を信じることができるでしょうか?
みんなで幸せになろうと言っている人が、精神的に弱っている人を手を見て見ぬフリをしたらどうでしょうか
ブラック企業は許せない!!と言っている社長の元で働いている人が無理な残業をしていたらその企業を信じることはできますか?

意見はバックボーンとなり信念へと変わります
そして行動は信念の強さから現れます。
とにかく行動してください。

そしてそれは常に自分の意見に沿ったものであるようにしてください。

それさえできればあなたの周りにはあなたを理解してくれる人が集まり、コミュニケーションというものに対する苦手意識などなくなる日がくるでしょう。
無理にコミュニケーションを取る必要などないのです。

あなたの話していることや表情よりも、行動を見られているのです。

いつか行動の意味を聞かれたときに、ちゃんと答えることのできるように相手に理解してもらえる話し方の準備をし、意見を持つだけでいいのです。


まとめ

いかがでしょうか

すこし熱くなりすぎてしまったところもあると思いますが、僕の意見は以上です。

結局人は行動を伴った発信しか信じず、読解しなければ理解されず、理解しなければ行動が伴わない

ということは伝わったでしょうか

そしてそれを可能にするために工夫することがこの3つです。

  1. 理解する
  2. 意見を持つ
  3. 行動する

僕の意見が少しでも伝わったのなら幸いです。

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