コミュニケーションが苦手だった僕が「コミュ力」を上げるために考えてみた

考えたこと

こんにちは

僕はこれまで飲食業界で13年働いてきました。
ですが20歳ぐらいまでは本当に人とコミュニケーションをとるということが苦手で、心の底から嫌いでした。

しかし飲食業界で働いているうちに半強制的に鍛えられ、いまでは苦痛ではなくなりました。
そんな中で考えたことを今回は話したいと思います。

「コミュニケーションの取り方がわからない…」「コミュ力ってなに?」って人には参考になるんじゃないかなと思います。

まず僕はコミュニケーションにおいて一番大切なことは「相手を理解しようとする努力」だと考えています。
それをして初めて自分のことを理解することができて、コミュニケーションというものが形成されるのです。

順を追って話して行きますので、お付き合いください。


「発信力」と「読解力」からできている

コミュニケーションは「発信力」「読解力」のふたつからできていると考えています。
当たり前だと思っている人がいると思いますが、たまに誤解している人がいるので確認させてください。

発信力とは話し方、話す言葉の選び方、話す文章の作り方に関する能力です。
読解力とは相手の話を理解する力、言葉を正しく理解する力、相手自体を理解する力のことです。

発信力に関してはなんとなくわかる人が多いと思います。
先ほどの誤解している人がいるというのは「コミュニケーション能力が高い=発信力が高い」という考えになってしまっているということです。

発信力というのはコミュニケーション能力の一部でしかありません。
例え発信力だけ高くても、コミュニケーション能力が高いということにはならないと考えています。

読解力も合わせて初めてコミュニケーション能力が形成されるのです。

読解力とはどんなものなのか

先ほどの説明だと「どれも言い方が違うだけで同じようなことを言ってない?」となるかもしれません。

簡単に言ってしまうと「読解力=理解する力や姿勢」のことです。

  • 相手の話全体を理解して話したいことの大枠を理解する。
  • 相手の選んだ言葉の意味を理解し、文章を理解することで細部を理解する力。
  • 相手の考え方を理解し、共通認識を持つことで本質を見定めることができる。

この3つです。

例えば有名人があることについて発言した際に「そういうことを言いたかったわけではない」と思われてしまうような受け取り方をする人がいます。

発言した有名人の「発信力」にも問題があるのかもしれませんが、読解力が低い人は上の3つのうちのどれかが低いと考えています。


考えを理解するためにする行動

では相手の話していることを正しく理解するためにはどうすればよいのでしょうか

まずは当たり前のことなんですが「しっかり聞く」ことです。

わからないことがあれば質問をする。そして相手が話たいことの大枠をしっかりと知りましょう。

先ほどのSNSの例えですと有名人側が「個人として人と接する上での倫理観」の話をしているにも関わらず、Aさんが「あなたは有名人なのだから個人を晒しあげるようにするのはよくない」という話をしたとします。

もちろんAさんの発言も僕は正しいと思います。
有名人は発信者や代弁者の側面を持つため不用意な発言は控えるべきです。
ましてや個人を晒し上げるようなことなどは特に。

有名人側が意図していないとしても、ファンと呼ばれる人の中には一部過激な人がいることもしっかりと理解すべきです。

ですが、正直このやりとりは話が噛み合っていないと思います。
Aさんの発言は最もなんですが、まずは有名人側の「個人として人と接する上での倫理観」において互いに理解し合わなければいけません。

そうでなければただの揚げ足取りのような形になってしまい、互いに「言いたいことが伝わってないな」との認識のまま話が進んでしまうでしょう。
そのために「大枠を理解する→相手の言葉、文章など細部を理解する→相手の考え方、話したいことの本質を理解する。」と順序立てなければすれ違うだけです。

お互い共通認識として議題が与えられていればいいのですが、すべてのコミュニケーションがそうではありません。
自分が話したいことを話すのではコミュニケーションは成立しないのです。

この例えで言うと
「議題が出る→互いの倫理観を認識し合う→互いに議論をすることでより良い形を目指す→派生した議題について話す→有名人としての発信の仕方について話す」
という形になるべきだと思います。

ですが、時に「この発言はこんな意味だろうからこいつはこんなやつだ」と勝手に自分の中で「架空の人物像」を作ってしまうことがあります。
それでは話し合いなどできません。
「議題が出る→架空の人物像を形成し、歪曲した受け取り方をしてしまう→架空の人物像から派生した議題について話す→有名人としての発信の仕方について話す」となってしまいます。

こうなってしまうと互いに違う議題について話してしまっているため、どちらかが合わせない限りは意見が交わることなどありません。
そうならないようにするために、まずは大枠を理解しあう必要があるのです。

そしてそこから細部を理解していくことで、相手の考え方や話したいことの本質を理解することが可能になるのです。
「コミュニケーション力=発信力」と発信することだけにフォーカスしてしまうと相手のことを理解できないだけでなく、自分の言いたいことを理解してもらうことすらできなくなってしまうのです。


そもそも100%なんてない

ここまで「相手を理解しようとすることはとても大切だ」ということを話してきました。
ですが僕はそれと同時に「相手のことも自分のことも100%完璧に理解することなどできない」と考えています。

というのも、「理解する」ということは4つの領域に分かれていると考えているからです。
互いに「自分のこと」を理解し合うということを例にすると、

  1. 相手は理解していないが、自分は理解している自分(自己認識の領域)
  2. 相手も自分も理解している自分(共通した認識の領域)
  3. 相手は理解しているが、自分が理解していない自分(他己認識の領域)
  4. 相手も自分も理解していない自分(未知の認識の領域)

の4つに分けられると考えています。

自己認識はそのままですが、自分が持っている考えのことでこれを発信することで相手に自分を理解してもらえるようになります。

共通した認識は「犯罪は悪いこと」という常識的な考え方だったり、「プロフィールなど世間的に公表しているもの」という対外的な視点のことです。

他己認識とは「第一印象」だったり、「自分では気づかないうちに行なっている癖や習慣」など無意識化にある自分のことです。
「意識して行なっていなかったから気づかなかったけど、友人に指摘されて初めて癖に気づいた」という経験はないでしょうか?
それを僕は他己認識と呼んでいます。
これを言ってもらったりして初めて自分への理解が深まるのです。

そして最後の「未知の認識」は「これから形成される自分」のことです。

未来のことは予想したり、想像をすることは可能ですが確定したものを見ることはどんな人にもできません。
「話し合う前はそんな考えを持っていなかったけど、話し合って理解できたから新しい考えを持つことができた」とかですね。
「一人旅なんて理解できなかったけど、2年前に初めて一人旅をしてみたら楽しくて、いまでは趣味になっています」とかもそうです。

人によってこの領域の大きさは違いますが、4つ目の「未知の認識の領域」がある以上絶対に100%相手を理解することなど不可能なのです。
そして100%なんてないから、出来る限り近づくために理解し合う努力ということが必要なのです。

そして「自分が認識していない自分」の領域を減らしていくことが自分をより良い形へと導いてくれるのです。


まとめ

いかがでしょうか

  1. 「発信力」と「読解力」からできている
  2. 考えを理解するためにする行動
  3. そもそも100%なんてない

理解してもらえたでしょうか?

僕の考えをまとめてみると

  • 「コミュニケーションは発信力と読解力からできている」
  • 「読解力は相手を理解しようとすることである」
  • 「相手を理解しないと自分のことも理解してもらえず、すれ違ってしまう」
  • 「しかし相手のことも自分のことも100%完璧に理解することなどできない」
  • 「だから相手を理解しようとする努力はとても大切だ」

ということになります

いわゆるコミュ力ということについて考えてみました。
具体的な方法はまた勉強してちゃんと話そうと思います。

まずは前提としてどんな風に考えているかを理解してもらえたら嬉しいです。

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