【対人関係】多くの悩みの原因は人との比較、情報の取りすぎから生まれる【取捨選択】

考えたこと

こんにちわ

ビジネスで悩みを持つ前におすすめの行動3つでも話したように、僕は「人間は勝手に悩みを大きくする」と考えています。

あなたの悩みの多くは対人関係からくるもので、簡単にはなくならないものです。残念なことに

では、なぜ悩みが勝手に大きくなるのか、どうすればいいのかをお話ししたいと思います。

僕は「自分の人生は自分を主役にするべきであり、情報と対人関係の取捨選択をすべきである」と考えています。
それをすれば、あなたが持っている悩みの大半は解決するでしょう。

お付き合いください。


人間は悩みや問題を複雑にしすぎる

まず、「なんで勝手に悩みが大きくなってしまうのか」についてお話しします。
答えはシンプルです。「調べすぎて、うまく使えていない」からです。

人類は1970年代からパソコンを手にし、1990年から一般に広がっていきました。
その時代は1G(1st Generation)と呼ばれ、今では様々な問題がありながらも5Gの時代が来ています。

日本では1990年代ごろから携帯電話が一般に普及し始め、いまではひとり一台以上を持つほどまでになりました。
その過程で「誰でも簡単に検索できる」世界が実現されました。インターネットの発達ですね。

携帯電話やPCがない状態を考えてみてください。
なにかわからないことがあっても、簡単には検索できない。

小学生の時はわからない言葉があれば辞書で調べでいました。
ゲームのセーブもできないのでその辺にある紙切れに大慌てでメモを取る。
メールもないので口伝に「あそこのボスを倒すには○○が必要らしいぞ…」と友達と話していました。
いまでは誰もが一瞬で検索することがでようになりました。
その弊害がでていると僕は考えています。

現代は外部からの情報に左右されすぎている

インターネットやテレビから簡単に情報を手に入れることができるようになりました。僕は一長一短であると考えています。

現代は情報に溢れています。
なにか悩みができたら検索する。

時には解決策を提示してくれるでしょうが、時にはまったく真逆の意見を見ることもあるでしょう。
信じて行動することもあるでしょう。
問題なのはそれに左右されすぎるということです。

なにかしらの制度などの情報を調べる分にはよいのです。
言葉の意味を調べるにも、とても役立つでしょう。

あなたの問題に対して責任のある発言をしてくれる人など、どこにもいません。
あくまでも個人が多数に向けて発信しているにすぎないのです。

外部から言われることを鵜呑みにしすぎる必要などありません。
「そんな考え方ってあるよね」という「ひとつの情報」ぐらいに考えていればいいのです。

大切なのはそこから「自分自身の考え方を持つ」ということです。

なぜ”低い今”を”これから上げられる”と考えられないのか?


情報の検索に対して、特に悪い面が現れやすいのは医療関係でしょう。
簡単に検索して出てきた、なんの責任もない情報
それを鵜呑みにしてしまい、「自分はとんでもなく悪い病気だ」と勝手に検索してしまう。
医者が様々な検査をして出した答えであるにも関わらず、自分で重い診断をして不安になってしまう。
そんな話を聞きませんか?

セカンドオピニオンなどを考えると、別にそこまでおかしな行動ではないのですが
重要なのは使いどころです。

簡単に検索できる反面、それを深ぼって考えたり、正誤を判断するということをしない場合が多いのではないでしょうか?

それこそが、「なんで勝手に悩みが大きくなってしまうのか」の一番の原因です。

病気の問題ならば、いままでかかっていた病院と違う病院に行けばもしかしたら違う診断をしてくれるでしょう。

ですが「人生」だったり、「仕事のやり方」などの悩みは置かれた状況や時代、個人の持っている資質によって取るべき方法というものがまるで変ってきます。

前述したようにあなたの問題に対して責任のある発言をしてくれる人など、どこにもいません。
あくまでも個人が多数に向けて発信しているにすぎないのです。

そんな答えがない問題に対して「こんな風にやればうまくいくって書いてあるけど、俺にはできない。俺はダメなやつなんだ」とか考える必要などないのです。

他人と比べるのではなく、今からさらに良い状態を作ることを考えていればいいのです。
検索して得た情報を活かす、ということを行うべきなのに、検索して終わりにしてしまうとなにも改善させられないのです。


悩みやすい人は取捨選択をするべき

悩みの原因を断つには「情報の取捨選択」を行うべきです。

先ほども話したように、検索しすぎる、そしてうまく活用することが大切だということをお話ししました。

その中で情報の取捨選択は重要です。人の話の9割は聞く必要ないでもお話ししましたが、人の話は9割聞く必要がありません。

そして、人の評価を気にする必要もなければ必要のない常識も数多くあります。
心配になっていろいろな情報を自分の中に入れたくなる気持ちはすごくわかります。

ですが、あくまで人の意見というのは「参考の一部」にするべきであって、それに左右される必要などありません。

情報に左右されるということは、勝手に悩みを大きくしてしまう可能性を多く含んでいます。
そして仕入れた「一部の考え」といまの自分を比較する必要はありません。

知識はいくらあっても問題はありません。
ですが、質の低い情報はありすぎると時に害悪となります。
そして悩みの多くが人と関わるものなのです。

賃金の悩みはもちろんありますが、生きていく分さえあれば最低限は問題ありません。

前提として、健康であり、自身の働きにあった金額さえもらっていれば不満は出にくいでしょう。
そこで不満が出るとしたら「あっちの企業は同じ内容でも賃金が高い」という不満が出るでしょう。

それは「人と比べる」からでるのです。
容姿、賃金、住居、所持品、職業多くの身の回りにあるものは人と比較することで悩みの種に変化していくでしょう。

人より良いところにいたい。
人よりもいい生活がしたい、いいものが持ちたい。
そうやって他の人と比べる、他の人の情報を無駄に入れてしまう。

それが、多くの悩みの原因です。
一番手っ取り早いのが「情報を入れず、比較しない」ということです。


「人類皆仲良く」は残念ながらできない

では全員が同じものを持ち、同じように生き、同じような考えを持っていれば幸せなのでしょうか?
正直に言います。
無理です。

人類皆仲良くなどできないからです。
それは人類の歴史が物語っています。

人間はもともと、他者よりも少し良いものを求める生き物なのです。

では、情報を取捨選択し、人と比べて生きていくことをやめるそれをすることは可能なのでしょうか?
きっと難しいでしょう。

現状日本では目にしようとしなくても他人の情報が勝手に入ってきます。
TwitterやFacebookLINEなどの伝達ツール携帯電話やPCがなくてはならなくなった現代では、他人の情報を入れないということはほぼ不可能と言っても過言ではないでしょう。

ではどうすればいいのでしょうか?

自分の主役は自分であるべき

それは「あなたの人生はあなたが主役であり、ほかの誰かは自分の人生の上では脇役である」と考えることでしょう。

あなたが生きていく上で、他人に左右されてしまうことは残念ながらあるでしょう。
結婚して、子供が生まれたりして、自分よりも大切にしたい人ができることもあるでしょう。

ですが、それでもあなたの人生はあなたが主役なんです。

あなたが頑張って、充実した人生を送っている姿を見ることができれば、あなたの子供はさらに輝くことができるでしょう。

常識というものを大切にするのは何が楽しいのでしょうか。
僕は大切にするのならば、あなたの人生をもっと大切にするべきだと思います。

他人に依存した人生は何も産むことがありません。
情報の取捨選択をし、そこから考え、常に最良の選択をする。

常識や他人との比較など気にする必要などありません。


まとめ

人間は勝手に問題や悩みを大きくする多くの原因は人と比較することにある。
検索しすぎること、その情報をうまく活用できないことその状態から人と比べるから余計に迷ってしまう。
自分の人生は自分が主役なのだから、人と比べず、自分の人生を豊かにすることだけを目指せばいい

ということです。
多くの悩みは対人関係と情報の入れすぎによるものです。
そこを取捨選択し、クリアにすることができれば圧倒的に悩みは減らせるでしょう。

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